Tuesday, August 21, 2007

How to fix a broken conversation

My ‘friends’ ask me, “So are you still driving a cab?”

To which I reply, “Nope, see I decided to quit after I ran over a woman’s foot.”

Many reactions may follow that answer. Usually the said ‘friend’s’ eyes will widen and their brow rises. If anything good has come from this freak accident, it has been that I now have a good subject for conversation. It seems that recently all of New York wants to talk, but when they open their mouths, a lot of regurgitated business crap spills out. With so many imported New Yorkers, less people have a good story to tell.

My friend just told me his old principle got fired for practicing voodoo in school.

Me: “She did what?”
Friend: “I don’t want to tell everybody, but you’re a good friend. You can tell that story if
you want.”

See, that’s what I’m talking about, crazy shit happens. Crazy stuff happens too often for people to babble about the exact specifics of what they do for a living. The next time somebody approaches you and asks what you do tell them:

“You wouldn’t believe what happened to me on my way over here!”

If they persist to ask you what your job is, tell them either:

A “That is not important,” while using vigorous hand gestures,


B “My job is boring,” while implementing eye contact to convey honesty
(honesty, it’s about time).

And please, please; for the good of the human race, take that line:

“You wouldn’t believe what happened to me on my way over here!”

And run with it. Take it for a spin up a twisted road. Give people something they want to hear. I need to do this more often, this can be our outright assault on boring conversation.

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